Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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