She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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