She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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