Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
