Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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