I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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