Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize