At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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