Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
