he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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