there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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