absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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