dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
