I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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