dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
