I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
