There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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