she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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