worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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