woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
