Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
