Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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