I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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