Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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