I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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