i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
