You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
