No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
