You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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