Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
