I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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