I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm too high and old for this...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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