I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
