We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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