Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
