I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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