I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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