Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Vodka?
Forever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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