Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ttyl tear gas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We are all done wearing pants today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
