A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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