i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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