is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
