found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
