I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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