12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
