Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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