I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Randomize
