Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
