last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Never joke about your clitoris.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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