Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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