So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
