My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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