Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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