I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had sex on a dog bed..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
