I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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