When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
