Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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