I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
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