I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
