so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
