I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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