Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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