So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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