my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
